The Heart of the Matter
by lrigD
Summary: Past and present intertwine, but this time, she can change it. Post Parts of the Sum in the Whole, because how could I not! Spoilers.
1. Chapter 1

_**Oh. My. God.**_

_**I just watched 5x16. Just - alright, I can't really describe or give an in-depth review, but I could write this. Spoilers ahead, but I'm sure you already figured that -- and just for clarification, the first part takes place in the past, right after they first kissed (truly their first kiss!), the second after they kiss in the present.**_

_**I don't own Bones and I'm glad I didn't, for I'd never be able to make episodes as fine as this one!**_

_**Please enjoy, and please review!  
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She'd done the right thing.

She knew it the moment she sat in the cab and looked back, seeing Booth standing on the road behind her. Sleeping together, no matter how great it would be –and there was no doubt it'd be great– would complicate matters in a way she was not ready for. Not to mention she was intoxicated, they both were, and that inevitably meant regrets in the morning. She had been in that situation before, and no doubt he had, too; he was a fine specimen of man.

Still, she could not stop a tiny, nagging feeling of regret. In this situation, she condemned her logical mind and her inability to take chances. Sometimes, she wished she could be intuitive and emotional like Angela, like Booth. She trusted logic, relied on it, believed in the inferiority of pathos over logos, but there was no denying that intuition had its advantages.

Well, it was too late for that now, she thought. She'd closed the window for that action, and the future would maybe reveal a new window.

- -

It wasn't right.

She knew it, intuitively she felt that she was not doing what she wanted. Her heart and her mind were conflicted; but she couldn't, simply _couldn't, _stop listening to her brain.

Sweets' session had brought up all those thoughts, doubts and feelings of five years ago; a period when she had been less rational than usual. And here she was again, in a similar situation: but not responding with emotion, but with logic. Had she progressed at all?

He was looking at her with unbearable sadness in his eyes – at least, she thought, she had progressed in the way that she could recognize sadness now– and the thought that she had caused it made her stomach twist into uncomfortable knots.

She wanted – god, she wanted. The kisses they had shared, both in the past and present, were likely the most meaningful she had shared with anyone.

Angela had once shared with her, when she'd been particularly low after a break-up, that she'd know when she kissed her true love. She had spoken of tingles, and love, and feelings all over your body. At the time, she had dismissed it as the ramblings of a semi-drunken woman, but she'd revisited the words a few times. And now, now she saw – or rather, felt – the truth in them.


	2. Chapter 2

_**And part 2, because I wanted the episode to continue, but didn't want to do so all in one chapter. Chronologically, this takes place after the first chapter!**_

_**Apologize for the lame title, btw.  
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_**Again, I don't own Bones, and again, do enjoy and please do review! Nobody I know here watches Bones, and I just really have no outlet for my thoughts regarding the episodes... Ugh.  
Anyway. Enjoy!  
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She stood at his door that night. It was past midnight, but she was sure he was still up; how could he sleep, if she couldn't?

Knocking proved to be another difficult step as she raised her hand, then let it fall again.

Was it justified to disturb this partial peace he might have reached with another visit of hers? He had finally gotten some answers; she knew the words he had spoken tonight had been lurking in the background for a while now, every once in a while bubbling up to the surface. Now they had talked about it, as far as it could be called talking, and maybe he had finally gotten some closure. Was it fair to disturb that again?

She didn't have to answer the question as the door swung open.

He stood in the doorway, wearing his pants and a wife beater; a faraway edge of her brain registered his beautifully defined muscles, but her eyes were aimed higher than that.

"I'm sorry."

She didn't know what else to say; there could be countless words, explanations of hows and whys, carefully sought agreements and disagreements. But it all summed up to those two words: I'm sorry.

He nodded.

"So am I."

Then he stepped aside, and she entered. He waited until she was inside, then carefully closed the door behind her.

They stood there indecisively for a while, he at the door and she closer to his couch, both looking at each other.

Somehow, before she was even aware of his and her action, she was in his arms, and he was hugging her fiercely, and she tried to suppress the shivers of delight that his hugs seemed to elicit lately.

"I want to," she whispered into his shoulder. "I really want to."

She felt him nod once more as they stood in their twisted embrace, and she was not surprised as she felt his shoulder wet underneath her face.

When he finally pulled back, she did not attempt to wipe away her tears; she was open, for once, completely open to him, allowing him to see everything, every tiny sliver of emotion, every thought and doubt she'd had.

"We should probably talk about this," he said hoarsely. She agreed. But they did not move, they continued standing there, his hands resting on her shoulders.

"We should."

And then, in a moment of hope – or desperation – she impulsively leaned forward and kissed his cheek, catching the rough stubble that had accumulated during the day.

She closed her eyes as she tasted him once more, savouring the moment, before she, too, pulled back and headed for the couch.

But he took her arm and spun her around, making her face him once more.

"Hey."

And this time, she didn't punch him, she didn't do anything when he approached her, and when he, a breath away from her lips, asked for her silent permission, she granted it.

The feeling was there, the tingles and emotions. But there was no desperation, just silent feelings.

Love.

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Soul meets soul on lover's lips...


End file.
